My heart broke into a million pieces, the day I had to bury the truest love I have ever known. In my eyes, the world was over for me, because "what is life?", without some one to share it with.
Life without love, without "family", isn't really living. It is simply existing. Community, comradery, emotion and experience is all based on love for others. My love was gone. I had nothing left. There was nothing more for me to do but wait for it to be over.
Months and months I waited, sick with anxiety. When will it come? While I waited, I slowly pushed my way out of the reaches of life around me. I stopped hobbies, I moved away from others I loved. I stayed alone and did 'nothing'.
Time passed, the end did not come, confusion settled in. Finally I stood up and looked around me, I realized that even though there was a missing piece, nothing really changed. That love was all around, even while the embodiment of that love was not.
We shared a love that was not our own. Love has no owner. Love does not end, love IS, and becomes a part of you. Even if you abandon love, love will not abandon you.
No that my spirit was refreshed, I realized the love was overflowing. I wasted all that time feeling abandoned by love, when I was drowning in it, and it was waiting for me. Love waited for me to wake up from my distraction, and share it again, with those around me. It pulled at my inner most being, and begged I share it, because to my surprise, there are people out there who have never known love.
These are the people that I want to find with love. These are the people who need to be found, by all of us. Our journey in love is their hope.
To the end of the earth I will search for you, for I, want to love again.
This is the short version of a long and difficult journey for me that has spanned nearly three years now.
I left out the details so that you could see the core of the issue.